I was living an unruly and ungodly lifestyle, full of alcohol and men. I received Christ at 15 (I'm now 46). It was a very real experience for me and I found myself in love with Jesus. But at the age of 19 I fell away and ended up dating a man who was uncommitted to me. I got pregnant and had my first abortion. As I dove further into alcohol, my life spun out of control and I had 3 more abortions. Soon after the last abortion, I went into a 28-day treatment for alcoholism and my life began to turn around.
As I trusted God to lead me back to sanity, He began to restore everything that had been lost, especially with my family. Many years later He began to deal with my abortions. I never thought I could face it. They were so buried behind other wreckage in my life, that it took some time for the guilt to start surfacing. When it did, it was like a dark shadow that followed me around everywhere I went. I mean--4 abortions! How could someone face that? I saw Domino Ministries in our church bulletin. At first I was reluctant. There was this ugly feeling (fear) in the pit of my stomach. I thought if I dealt with it, I would truly have a nervous breakdown.
Fortunately, a friend asked me if I wanted to go through it with her. I said yes and we signed up. When we got to the meeting, I was scared. There were about 6 or 7 other women and they were in the same boat. The leaders were so nice and I felt completely accepted by them. I think what really eased my mind was when some of the women who had been through the Domino Service before began to share their stories. I realized that I wasn't the only one who has had 4 abortions!
My friend and I are different people today. No longer is that dark shadow following me around. I don't think about the abortions anymore. It doesn't haunt me. I've made peace with it. I have forgiven myself and those that were partly responsible. I have been redeemed. I didn't believe that God's grace was sufficient. I really thought I would have to live with this for the rest of my life. I didn't think it was possible for the guilt to go away. I'm a living testimony that it does!
-Janet